The war is almost over. Yet the protests continue. Attacks on American brands are being reported from across the world, with thousands of well-intending men and women wielding sticks and stones to wreck havoc on the streets.
If we accept that Nike, McDonalds, Ford, Coke & Pepsi should be attacked for their American connection, shouldn’t the same logic be applied to several other things American? Naturally!
On your protest day, remember not to shave! An American invented the razor you use. Do not use the oven. Do not switch on the electric motor for pumping up water to your overhead tank. While in the loo, don’t use the water closet. It is British. If you need to wash your clothes, do not dream of using the washing machine. Electric irons are also prohibited. Both are American inventions. And when you dress up, remember not to pull up your zip. Sorry, it’s American too.
While having breakfast, avoid using steel utensils & crockery. Don’t use food stored in an invented-in-America-refrigerator. No toast using pop-up toasters. Do not touch Graham Bell’s telephone even if it rings!
In case you live in a high-rise apartment, it is time to look for a different home because high-rises are strictly an American concept. For that matter, even cement is American! Walk down the stairs. You have guessed it right. Lifts are American elevators!
Thinking about taking a bus to the place where all your fellow-protestors are gathered? Forget it. An automobile is a British invention. You can’t even take Macmillan’s bicycle! Try hailing a bullock-cart instead.
While protesting, make sure that none of your compatriots use an American-invented loudspeaker! Search their pockets and throw away their ball pens & fountain pens. No cigarettes. Not even safety matches. No chips to munch; not because of their brands, but because potatoes are American!
If your procession passes by a hospital, remember that you have a duty to fulfil. Doctors should be urged to stop using American discoveries and inventions while treating patients. Open Heart Surgery is a strict no-no! Neither a cardiac pacemaker nor MRI scans! Stop administering the Polio vaccine. Terramycin & Streptomycin are American; while Penicillin, vaccination, syringes, electro-cardiographs and CAT scans are Brit.
Tired after a hard day’s march, having smashed up half-a-dozen outlets selling American goods? No need to care a fig for your poor countryman who has invested his life-savings to put up that store to sell the American products! Instead, your thoughts may go towards that latest Bollywood flick. Beware; the villains have invented celluloid and movie-projectors!
In case you decide to relax at home, remember - no crossword puzzles. Pull away the Teddy bear if your kid is playing with one. They’re American. The TV should be strictly avoided. No transistor radio either. Thinking about listening to those old records? No way! They too are from the banned country list!
Before you go to bed, remember to send that e-mail to your friends in the United States and the United Kingdom asking them to protest the war by chucking their jobs and return. On second thoughts, you may not want to do that since the computer and its operating system are made in countries you want to avoid. Instead, you may start writing letters to your friends and relatives employed in American companies and their subsidiaries operating in India to quit their jobs for a higher cause!
Time to switch off the lights? Oops! You have forgotten that Edison invented the bulb! Switch it off instantly, along with the fan!
And finally, resolve to continue this protest until the vile Yankee and Tommy are badly hurt - economically. Then alone, would they quit Iraq and leave the saintly Saddam (if he is alive!) to his own people! Until then…best of luck!


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