In a startling development, India’s Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee and Pakistan’s President Pervez Musharraf simultaneously announced that they will be quitting their respective governments, though for different reasons.
According to highly placed sources in the Indian Prime Minister’s Office, Vajpayee has decided to refrain to further campaigning for the 2004 Lok Sabha elections and will, instead, retire to the cooler climes of Manali where he will be cultivating tea. While the exact variety of tea to be cultivated was not clarified, the PMO officials explained that it would be “strictly of the legal variety.”
Vajpayee sudden decision comes in the wake of the US announcement of positioning Pakistan as a non-NATO ally. The sources said that after giving into to every demand that the Americans had foisted upon India, Vajpayee was peeved at this backstabbing. More importantly, Vajpayee is even more peeved at being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize along with Huggles the Australian Wombat, for reasons not immediately clear. However, the PMO was divided over whether it would be preferable sharing the coveted Prize with a wombat or Musharraf.
While the Bharatiya Janata Party has been thrown into turmoil after the announcement by Vajpayee, there were several closed door meetings to try and anoint a successor. Among those who’s names have been at the forefront at Murli Manohar Joshi and George Fernandes, even though the latter does not belong to the party. Party sources said that Joshi would bring a wealth of experience and expertise to the party, especially in terms with meddling with institutions that are functioning perfectly fine without any help from the Government. “Think of what he could do. He could change the Election Commission into a BJP offshoot, make the CVC’s office an adjunct, and possibly, even bring the Congress into the party’s fold, since there is hardly any difference between the two parties any more,” a senior BJP leader said. On the issue of Fernandes’ prospects, the sources said that he could be included in the BJP to give it a Christian, unionist face and since with bonhomie with Pakistan prevailing, he was virtually unemployed, he could be used elsewhere. The dark horse, though, in this race to take over Vajpayee’s mantle is Dilip Singh Judeo, the Chhatisgarh leader. A source said, “In this age where the media is so important, Judeo has already proven how telegenic he is and the sort of presence he has on the small screen.”
Musharraf, meanwhile, has decided to take up full-time raising of poodles in a kennel in an Illinois town, which was not named by the Pakistan Government for reasons of security. The reason ascribed for Musharraf’s sudden departure from the scene is the prospect of several assassination attempts after the Pakistan cricket team lost the one-day series to the Indian and then went ahead and lost the first Test match in Multan. A senior Pakistani official said, “The Pakistani cricket fan is far more dangerous that your run-of-the-mill Al Qaeda operative and Musharraf values his skin.” Musharraf will also be joining Abdul Qadeer Khan Inc. are its principal salesman of nuclear arms.
Musharraf’s likely successor is the unnamed Al Qaeda operative the Pakistan Army has been desperately searching for in the country’s tribal belt so as to install him as President. Vajpayee and Musharraf may also be involved in a joint venture for lobbying for the United States’ interests worldwide, though this has yet to be confirmed.